A Loud Thud!

Houston, we have a problem.

Lesson #1: Always make a full turn over when you have to leave on a business trip. Never leave things hanging.

Of course, I didn't follow my own rule.

Why is that marketing consultants are very good at telling others what to do and never applying the same thing to themselves? Is it a strange quirk unique only to consultants? Or, am I the only one on the planet blessed with this horrifying shortcoming?

Actually, this is the first time in a long time that I messed up big time. I have no excuse except that my uncle's sudden death really screwed my mind so I was not up to par. All I could think of then was I needed to work to get my mind off what happened.

I thought I made sure that the office wasn't going to go berserk with my lengthy absence. Big mistake. It did. Maraming namamatay sa maling akala. In carabao English: Many die of "I thought, I thought."

I always say that it is more expensive to woo back unsatisfied and disgruntled customers. Hello. I am re-learning that very costly lesson now. Nyar.

My reason is valid, yes. But, in the world of business, who gives a sh*t if your mother died? No one does. It's every man for himself and, while clients will try to understand, it is not fair to have them hanging somewhere out there while you sort out your addled brain on Oprah's couch.

I remember my old boss pounding this lesson in my brain as I sat there in his office trying to get him to understand that I got sick, hence, the week-long absence. "Sunny, I had my tonsils removed and I worked while recovering from the operation." Okaaaaay. Which explains why he's the CEO and I'm not.

This is the same boss who, when I was hospitalized (yes, that company was so stressful to work in that I became a major stockholder in the hospital, no thanks to constant confinements), came to visit me. He had a huge bag with him and I thought, "Oh, he came bearing gifts. How very Magi of him." Not! The bag contained piles of documents "in case you got bored, Sun." Yes, I had actually checked into a spa and that IV inserted on my arm is a figment of my imagination.

And so here I am trying desperately to fix the mess I created.

It is not going well. I want to hang myself now from the nearest dapdap tree except there are no dapdap trees where I live. I guess my terrace will have to do. Death by hanging is very cinematic, I think.

I am reminded of this newbie marketing manager I had to give a crash marketing training on my recent business trip. I really felt bad for him because I made him endure a marathon session. People were telling me to ease up on him and I really wished I could. But I only had 3 remaining days left. Time was not a luxury we had. Either we maximized my remaining days or he spends his days in the Twilight Zone. Not good when his bosses are not convinced he has what it takes to be in that position.

I did allow him to get off early during one shoot. Unfortunately, the marketing assistant he left me with was a sublime fool from the Planet of the Apes so that turned everything into a fiasco. I chewed the marketing manager's ass off and promptly ruined what should have been a romantic date with his wife.

May I just say this to the men I work with who happen to be married to insecure women? Your wife is your problem. Don't make her mine. Keep her out of my hair and we will all be ok. But if your wife is going to be in your face and screwing up my work in the process, you and I are headed for a very ugly working relationship.

What do I care that she feels neglected? I'm on a freakin' business trip with limited time. Being considerate of neglected wives is not on my list of things to do. My responsibility is to my client, not to some marketing manager's insecure wife, for God's sakes! I understand personal needs but, darling, consideration for your personal needs ends where my work begins. Such is marketing life. Deal with it or find a new job. In the meantime, get out of my way because I have a shoot to finish.

I would like to ask clients whose lives I messed up with my lengthy absence to please understand that I found myself in a difficult personal situation. How else would you term a death in the family if not a difficult situation? But, even to my ears, it's a feeble excuse. So if you're just going to tell me that you have to leave early because your wife is going to throw a tantrum if you're going to be late for dinner, I will maim you.

Someone died in my family and I'm still working. You, on the other hand, want me to put an entire shoot on hold for your brat of a wife? I don't think so.

Enough ranting. I have disgruntled clients to woo. Sigh. Where was my brain when I left? I thought I covered all my bases. As it turns out, I didn't.

Fool.

Labels: marketing consultant

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