Confessions Of A Marketing Addict Confessions Of A Marketing Addict
Confessions Of A Marketing Addict Confessions Of A Marketing Addict Confessions Of A Marketing Addict Confessions Of A Marketing Addict Confessions Of A Marketing Addict Confessions Of A Marketing Addict Confessions Of A Marketing Addict
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Thursday, August 31, 2006
What's In A Title?

Titles are just that - titles. They're meaningless.

A title is really just a designation that's supposed to explain what we do for a living. Sorta like a brand name. And there goes Dean's favorite word again - brand. (I'm trying, Dean, I'm trying. And failing.) To some, it can be an ego trip. To others, an albatross. Somewhere in between, there's a segment that just doesn't care.

In the world I inhabit, however, titles can cause confusion because job responsibilities can overlap. Such is the nature of the beast called marketing.

In one company I worked for, the head of my department bore the mouthful Sales & Marketing Manager. Unfortunately, there also existed a Sales Manager so you see all these sales people running around with two of everything. Because God forbid that you give a memo to one and fail to give the same memo to the other. Hell hath no fury than an ego bypassed. This is what men with mistresses go through and I am no longer wondering why sales people have a girl in every
distribution channel.

To a lot of people, they confuse sales with marketing. You sell, ergo, you are a marketer. No, it doesn't work that way. Sales is a function of marketing. Marketing remains king. The concepts and strategies for sales come from your marketing people. The execution of those strategies is done by your sales team.

If your marketing team has a brain and their egos are not the size of the Good Year blimp, they will consult the sales team before conceptualizing their strategies. Why? Because, my dear, it is your sales team who front lines for the company. They are the best people to ask on product movements and sales performance in the market place.

Marketing people should go out and see the market for themselves. We call this a route ride or trade check. Very boring, very tiring and just bad for your stilettos. Do we really do this? Yes, we do. Then, we watch a movie. On company time.

Sales people use a variety of titles. Sales representative, sales executive, account executive, med rep, business development executive. The list is endless. Every other day, some schmuck comes up with a more impressive-sounding title which really just means one thing - sales.

When you're looking for someone to widen your consumer base, increase your product line in an existing distribution channel or trying to tap into a market for your goods, you're looking for a sales guy with a marketing background. In another language, he is also referred to as a distributor.

That sales guy a.k.a. distributor is not, however, a marketer. He is a cousin of the marketer.

Sales and marketing overlap each other so much that the lines have become blurred. Ideally, a marketer should have a solid sales experience. It would be nice if they can start out as sales people and cross over to being marketers. Nothing is worst than hiring a marketing strategist with a pathetic sales background. Don't even go there. It's bad, bad and very baaaaad.

Sales people should be able to think like marketers. After all, they must analyze how their distribution channels behave and determine the best ways to penetrate or widen it.


But, there are other functions of marketing that sales people do not regularly come in contact with or, if they do, it's in a micro way. For instance, advertising and PR. Sales people do not deal with ad and PR agencies directly. It is the marketing team that does that. Sales, however, often comes in contact with promotions (another marketing function) and, often, these promotional tactics require the services of an ad or PR agency. That's the time sales has direct communication with these suppliers but only because marketing served as a conduit between them.

Some sales people, though, can never be marketers. They do not have the talent or aptitude for it. Their strengths lie in selling, not marketing. By the same argument, some marketers should never be in sales because their strengths lie in conceptualizing and strategizing.

Despite a strong sales background, I could never last long in sales. I do not have the patience for it. Imagine going back and forth buyers and distributors - wooing them with gourmet dinners, long lunches and, once, tickets to the opening night of Miss Saigon. I fell asleep the moment the lights dimmed.


Online, I get a lot of proposals for product distribution in the Philippines. People see the title, marketing consultant, and voila! Proposals galore. I read some but discard most. Those that I think will work here, I pass on to friends and business associates who can serve their needs. Because, you see, they don't need a marketing consultant. They need a distributor. And that is not me.

So, exactly, what can I do for them?

I can conceptualize their marketing strategies depending on the business and marketing goals they are aiming for. I can think of ways for them to penetrate the market they are going after. But, they have to find someone else to execute my thoughts. Because the execution part, it does not come under my job description.

Confused? Oh well, Google the web and you will find a myriad of references on sales and marketing. I hope someone else's blog has a better way of explaining it.

Now, go and conquer the sales world.

Continue reading this...

Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 3:53 PM
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. . .
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
For My Eyes Only

The internet is a wonderful thing. It opens up to a world of unlimited suppliers. For a marketer, that can be a boon but it can also cause severe eyestrain.

For instance, when you google for web designer, EGAD! There's an entire continent of them. You search for hosting service, another continent. You look for paper suppliers or printers, still another continent. Clearly, the internet has increased the number of continents on this planet. Magellan, where are you?

How, then, do I find the right supplier? Elementary, my dear Watson. I visit their website and their site has to tell me that I have found my supplier. Otherwise, I go on to the next one Google lists and that's just very Elizabeth Taylor.

What kind of sites do I like then? Or, at least, those that make me stay a bit longer.


The look, feel and tone of the site are the first things that hit me. If you're a web design studio or website designer, your site has to tell me that in a matter of seconds. The same goes for any other supplier be it corporate giveaways or food for Panda bears. The whole look has to capture your business' essence. Which means, you should probably veer away from pastel colors if you're a gun runner with an online business. On the other hand, if you're a Colombian drug lord, a plant would be a very nice touch to your website.

Then, there is copy. I understand that search engine rankings are driven by content but please don't put gibberish there that does not tell me why I should hire you. Like all marketing materials, a website should sell your business. Therefore, copy that does not do this should probably not be there at all. If you're a paper supplier, it is in your best interests to imply that you supply the best paper because you are single-handedly responsible for obliterating the Amazon Jungle. (I'm in this environment mode now, thanks to that
oil spill in Guimaras.)

If you can't write, consider hiring a copywriter. Copy that ensures high rankings among search engines is useless if it does not sell your business. You want to convert those visitors to sales and effective copy is one way of ensuring that. It's very important to land on the top pages of search engines. But, it's equally important that when I click on that site, you will tell me immediately and clearly that you are what I am looking for. That will not happen when your About Me/About Us page chronicles the history of how your eyes locked with your hubby's across a crowded room. Or, how you all got together for coffee and over horrifyingly expensive Starbucks java, a lofty business idea was born. Bill Gates does not do that on his website and, even if he did, are you Bill Gates? I thought not.

Bear in mind who your target market is. Your site has to talk in a language that your target market understands. If you must use words that are inherent to your industry or business, please provide a dictionary onsite. Not everyone - no matter how intelligent they tout themselves to be - is familiar with industry lingo/jargon. Of course, I know you know your business. Must you hone that fact some more by assaulting my brain? This is not a date. You do not need to impress me with the entire Encyclopedia Britannica.

And then, there is logo. Do I really need to explain its importance? Seeing that we both know its importance, why are you hiding it? Is this the online version of Treasure Island? Because, if it is, please put X marks the logo. Of course, everyone does not have a logo. I don't. In this case, your name serves as your brand name. I would suggest you don't hide it anywhere unless you have this pathological fear of stalkers which yours truly has.

Sometimes the logo is there but because the site has way too many colors and graphics, the logo disappears among the clutter. I would suggest you put your logo on the upper left hand side of your site always. Why? You read left to right, correct? Unless your site is in Chinese which means you read up and down but your eyes still hit the upper left side first. It is best when your logo is the first thing that hits your visitor's eyes. Retention. Need I say more?

Photos are very powerful tools and one you should use with taste. Depending on who you're targeting, you should have a photo that your market can relate to. The photo, like your website, should capture your business' essence (read - positioning statement) in one glance. Cease and desist from uploading your graduation picture, wedding picture and all pictures of you standing in front of the Eiffel Tower. A photo speaks a thousand words and you do not want any of those thousand to be the wrong word.

A website is another marketing tool. Design it with your target market in mind as well as the figure you want them to pay for your products or services. You cannot command a high value when your site does not reflect that.

Happy designing!

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Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 3:36 PM
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. . .
To Read Or Not To Read:
Getting That Sponsorship Request Noticed

As a marketer, I get numerous requests for sponsorships on behalf of my clients. I hate these things. They litter my desk and denude forests resulting to flash floods.

Out of 10 sponsorship requests, I glance at the heading of one. In a year, I probably approve only 5 and, even then, I do so while wincing. Most of those I approve, I do so for the most stupid reason. My client wants me to because the request came from a friend. When a sponsorship request crosses my desk, I automatically write "Regrets" without bothering to read the letter. Glancing at the heading alone, I already know what it says and there is nothing in that letter that will encourage me to read further.

Here then are tips that will at least ensure that your request for sponsorship will merit a longer perusal:


Do not just fax or, worst, email. In another universe, this is called
spam and not the kind you eat. I hate spam. It's fattening. Before faxing or emailing, you should send over a hard copy contributing further to the disappearance of our forests. It's not the best situation to be in but that hard copy is a necessity. Based on that hard copy, I can ponder (over a nice cup of coffee and some cigarettes) whether you merit a phone call or an appointment. In essence, that hard copy heralds the coming of one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse - you.

Research the company you are sending that letter to. Do not print an omnibus request. It will just guarantee the death of your printer. Nothing irks me more than to get a sponsorship request for an event that has nothing to do with the brand I'm handling or the company I'm working for. We would like to invite you to be a major sponsor for Battle of the Bands 2006. Darling, do you even realize that you sent that request to a pharmaceutical company distributing drugs for skin diseases? What did you do? Bring out the Yellow Pages and sent letters to everyone with a boxed ad?

State clearly the benefits they will get if they sponsor your event or marketing activity. Why You Should Sponsor is a very nice heading that should follow Greetings and Salutations, I Come In Peace. Please do not bring out the Thesaurus and use all the flowery words you can find there. Marketing people are a very busy and anal-retentive lot. They have no time to read poetry which is why they will need Botox treatments very soon. And by clearly, I mean like this:

Your company currently sponsors a blah blah as part of your corporate social responsibility program. Sponsoring our event will further enhance goodwill in the community your company is a part of. It will also strengthen your brand's core value blah blah. Very good. It's all b.s., of course. But, at least, you took the time to research the company and know what our brands/products/services stand for.

The event will bring in 10 million people and your logo will be seen by the Klingons. What is that?! It is not the number of people who see the logo (although that is also a crucial factor) but, more importantly, it is who sees that logo. It does not serve my purpose for the Klingons to see it. What will they do with that logo once they see and become aware of it? Show it to The 4400?

Proofread your sponsorship letter. This blog is an example of one who barely proofreads. Hence, the long winded sentences. Do not follow my example when writing your own sponsorship request. Nothing is more annoying than getting a sponsorship request that is grammatically-challenged with punctuation marks all over the place. It tells me you want the company's money and nothing else. Because you cannot even be bothered to write a letter that any pre-schooler could write in his sleep.

Do not address your letter to The Marketing Manager. She does not exist. Sunny, the Marketing Manager, does. Call the company. Ask for the contact person you should address your letter to. While you're at it, ask for the correct designation of the contact person. Do not give her one because she already has one. Do not invent a title because inventions are for Nobel Peace Prize winners and the marketing manager will never be that.

By contact person, I mean the one who has the power to approve your sponsorship request. Usually, it is the head of the marketing department, the brand/product managers or the group product managers. Do not waste your time on the minions. You should think of ways to get past the goblins that guard Gringott's. It is useless, however, to pitch to someone whose signature in the company does not matter and whose voice can never be heard no matter how loudly they scream.

Print your letter using paper of good quality (the kind that uses trees on the brink of extinction) but, for the love of God, avoid using paper with colors or texture designs. Enough with the pink marble effect! I will tell you now who killed JFK. And while I find your need to save forests commendable, book paper or newsprint paper is not the way to go.

Do not skimp on the printer ink. You're asking for a chunk of my marketing budget. I, at least, deserve Normal on your printer settings and not Economy.

And there, ladies and gentlemen, are tips gleaned from 15 years of disapproving sponsorship requests.

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Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 1:14 PM
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. . .
Remembering Taklong Island

I was watching the news tonight about the
oil spill off the coast of Guimaras. The news mentioned that the hardest hit by that spill was Taklong Island, the biggest marine sanctuary in the Philippines. The marine facility there is run by the University of the Philippines in the Visayas. I think.

Anyway, thousands of years ago, I had gone to Taklong Island with a friend who was studying then at UPV. Her summer class was on a field trip and they were allowed to bring friends along. That summer vacation, I was home in
Iloilo visiting my family. I had to beg my grandmother for weekssss to let me go. My grandmother has this thing about letting hormonal teenagers band together without nanny supervision. It's very feudal, I tell 'ya.

I vaguely recall the trip now. I remember it was a really loooong one and lots of dirt roads. Lots of walking through mangrove trees. Stones, mud, rocks - a challenge to Nike-encased feet. Where is truth in advertising when you need it?!

We reached the dorm and it was freaky. There was no electricity so we had to use gas lamps. But, even though it was very...er...rural (yes, Dean, my word for the week, rural), there was something very uplifting about Taklong Island.


The most memorable part for me was taking a bath in the artesian well with the whole group. Suddenly, silence and all the gas lamps were turned off. I didn't understand why but I noticed everyone was looking towards one direction. So, I turned to look and I saw the most beautiful sight my eyes have ever held to this day. An entire mango tree fully lit with fireflies. It was like a Christmas tree with a million lights. Only better.

I just stood there freezing with shampoo dripping over my eyes. Moments like that remind me that man may create the most amazing piece of artwork but nothing - and I tell you, nothing - competes with what God can create. Awesome moment #1.

As I was watching the news, I felt so sad. All that beauty destroyed and irreparably damaged by oil. The experts say the ecosystem will never be the same again and it will take years before it can recover from the spill. Then, there was a quick shot of the beach at Taklong Island.

Let me tell you about that beach.

You cannot swim in that beach without permission. At least, back then, you couldn't. But, because we were with the university, we were granted permission to do so. I think that's where I fell in love with diving. My friend, Esther, and I went snorkeling and the marine life was breathtaking. The sand was so white, it was blinding. I swear you can get a suntan just by the reflection of the sun on the sand.

I'm glad to hear that Petron is doing their share to fix that oil mess. They balked at first (I'm not so sure now) but eventually caved in. As they very well should because that falls under the heading, corporate social responsibility. A very integral part of any business' marketing strategy. Our company has a moral and social conscience. We recognize that we need to make a contribution to the community that loyally patronizes our products and services.

After all, a company that fails to give back to the community that it belongs to will eventually lose the goodwill of that community. And then, where will all the executives be?

My thanks to Planets Island and Guardian Unlimited from whom I shamelessly stole those photos.

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Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 1:14 AM
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. . .
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
It's A Bird, It's A Plane

All these talks about airport security reminded me of a question tossed at me during my last marketing seminar. No, dear, I am not with airline security much to the frustration of my
Nancy Drew alter ego.

One of the participants asked me for my thoughts regarding that promo by Air Philippines and Cebu Pacific.

Earlier this year, 2 major airline companies had a promo. Cebu Pacific launched their P1,000++ promo to celebrate their anniversary. The deal was that round trip tickets to any destination in the country will only cost you P1,000++. Flying dates were set for August, I think. Air Philippines offered the same promo. The country's flagship carrier, Philippine Airlines (PAL), did not join the bandwagon. Very smart of them.

Nobody wins in a price war. Unless you've calculated thoroughly the risks to your bottom line, I really wouldn't advice you to go this route. Even if the impact to the other components of your marketing strategy (e.g. brand awareness by inducing trial) is very good, it's still a risk that you must think over carefully.

You engage in a price war and it is your bottom line that suffers. One day, you will wake up and discover that there's nothing left for you to operate your business with because there's no more money in the piggy bank.

If your competitors have pricing that you cannot compete with, the best way to go is to add more value to your service or products. You don't have to slash your prices because your suppliers are certainly not slashing theirs. The salaries of your employees remain the same. And I assure you that the dire state of your gas tank will have no impact to the price of crude oil in Saudi Arabia.

You are in business to make money, not lose it. Translation? ALL marketing activities should aim to benefit your profit margins. Otherwise, why are you in business? Because you're bored? When I'm bored, I watch TV as I hope the rest of the world does.

I'm guessing these promo campaigns were launched to induce trial and, hopefully, re-trial. The aim eventually is to make switchers out of PAL's current customer base to happy users of Cebu Pacific and Air Philippines. It's all the same kind of plane anyway so why choose them over us?

Hmmm...maybe because PAL was in the market first? Al Ries and Jack Trout did say in their book, The 22 Immutable Laws of Marketing, "it is better to get into the mind first than to try to convince someone you have a better product than the one that did get there first."

PAL here is so synonymous to flying that, when people want to travel to any local destination, no one bothers to ask which airline they will take. It is assumed you will fly by PAL. Sorta like toothpaste. Pabili nga ng Colgate. 'Yung Close-Up. (I'd like to buy Colgate. Close-Up, please. Something is lost in the translation so the impact is not the same but, hopefully, you get my point.)

Over the years, PAL has built a brand with a reputation for safe air travel. Oh, who cares that several of their planes slammed into mountains, lakes and trees? People forget that when they're going deaf on SeaAir planes going to Boracay. Personally, I'd rather fly than sail and I have Jaws to blame for that. I think it's so un-cinematic to die as fish food for Orca. It is more romantic, however, to blow up in flames on a plane 30,000 feet above sea level. But, that's just me.

Do I fly Cebu Pacific? Only when PAL is fully booked. Do I fly Air Philippines? No. Why? For one thing, I hate the airport they use. It's the old domestic airport with a smoking box that gives you a pretty good idea of how it must feel like to be gassed at Auschwitz. Air travel is not as glamorous as they make it out to be. Must you add to my anguish by giving me an airport with really bad toilets?!

Then, there is the matter of branding. If PAL who has been here for generations could have planes that slam on mountainsides, what more a new airline who bought second hand planes made during the heyday of Howard Hughes?

Air travel is synonymous to life. You prefer to be alive when you reach your destination, yes? Therefore, you will choose the airline with a better reputation (translation - brand) for safe air travel. Your sane mind tells you it's all the same planes and the pilots all went to the same schools. Still, branding is about an emotional connection. And my emotional connection tells me that PAL will get me there in one piece with only my business suit suffering for my choice.

I do not get the same connection from Cebu Pacific and Air Philippines. Why? Because they have not built their reputation long enough to give me that emotional connection. And therein, I think, lies their problem.

Why don't you people embark on a kick ass brand campaign first? Assure me that you will offer the same thing that PAL does for half the price. It is also probably best to point out why you're cheaper. Whatever the reason is for the cheaper price, it's not because you shortchanged on air safety but, rather, you served Granny Goose nacho chips instead of Goldilocks cake. Because, right now, I'm just thinking you're cheaper because you probably threw out some of those life vests.

Cebu Pacific has this gimmick where flight attendants wear casual outfit during certain days. They have a "Bring Me" game on board. I am clueless as to the point of all these. Cebu Pacific is a fun airline? Honey, airlines are never fun because air travel is not about fun. It is about comfort and safety. It would help your cause if you give out fluffier blankets, better reading material, enough with the hideous nacho chips and - OH YES! Assurances that there are enough oxygen masks on board.

Do I think that price promo worked? Probably.

A lot of people availed of the promo. I even asked my travel agent about it. Fully booked, that's what she said. Flights to the beach destinations were all gone in a flash.


Now, that I think about it, who wants to be in Boracay in August? The beach - precisely because it is a beach - is meant to be enjoyed at the height of summer. Not when tropical storms are hammering beach shores and ensuring certain death by falling coconuts. Then again, this is probably the best time to be in Boracay. No annoying tourists around and the sea water does not taste like Coppertone.

When you have the marketing budget and you're new to the playing field, use that budget wisely. Understand the market and analyze the best way to penetrate it. Don't just go embarking on campaigns that are price-driven. Oftentimes, you will discover that price is not always what drives them to buy a product or service.

You want your market to try your product and stay with you. Not just try it because the price fits their budget. When your price no longer does that, chances are very high that they will leave you and return to the brand they've always patronized. You will then be forced to remain at that price range to retain your customer base but at great cost to your own profit margin.


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Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 1:59 PM
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. . .
Saturday, August 26, 2006
No.

Sigh. If you must insist on an explanation...

Close Up: "Don't get into a fight without it." Or, its variation: "It's ok to get beaten up as long as you use Close Up."

I repeat, NO.

-----

CHA! Why are you a brand manager if you can't get it? Kakaloka ka ha.

No brand wants to be associated with anything negative. Correction. No brand manager worth his title wants his brand to be associated with anything negative. Bruises, split lips and black eyes are negative associations. Ergo, you don't want your brand anywhere near it.

The Close Up campaign (at least, here in the Philippines) has always been associated with love, romance, lots of flirting, pretty girls and even prettier boys. So, where did that campaign come from? Maybe, the creative team and the brand manager had a rough night at Embassy? I don't know. All I know is that this is a print campaign that should never have seen the light of day.

By the way, I saw that on the OK! Magazine (Philippine edition) yesterday. I scanned it so I could post it here.

What happened to the brand that sponsored and still sponsors the phenomenal brand event, Lovapalooza? Hey, a brand has to evolve but, really, does it have to go from Lovapalooza to Bruizapalooza and, very soon, just plain Looza?


Yes, yes, yes. You use Close Up and your teeth becomes so strong that nothing happens to it even if the collective force of the Mafia, the Chinese Triad and the Yakuza beat the sorry crap outta 'ya. If we take that thinking a little further, it will lead us to this: Why was he getting beaten up in the first place? What's he doing in a fight? Translation - what kind of target market are you going after, my dear? Which will then lead you to - Given your primary target market, what kind of brand value are you building?

They say if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Why is this brand heading to the opposite side of the universe when even the Starship Enterprise does not want to go there? Heck, Darth Vader does not want to go there and he's the Dark Lord!

Close Up's love/romance/sexy flirting/kissing brand campaign has always worked for them. It's why their target market (young adults, upwardly mobile, trendy and hip) flock to their events and patronize their products. It explains those funky new packaging designs that's been flooding supermarket gondolas and shelf spaces. It is why they have those fruity variants although let me just say that the chocolate flavor is baaaaad. Blech. Yet, despite very minimal and minor mistakes that can be overlooked, the new brand campaign remains cohesive and true to the Close Up brand spirit.

That print ad, however, tells me whoever approved that should be in serious therapy. Then again, it could just be a test ad because I have not seen that on the major dailies. If that's the case - I envy Close Up. It must be so nice to work on a campaign with a healthy marketing budget. You know, the one that does not require you to show your compre to your next door neighbor, get his opinion and call it market research.

There, Cha! I hope you get it now. If I'm slow this week, you're slower than me, girlfriend!


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Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 8:52 PM
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. . .
Celebrity Branding

And speaking of
Bryan Boy, I am reminded of this forwarded email I got regarding another confused brand, Kris Aquino. Well, maybe not as confused as Paris Hilton but, then again, Ms. Hilton is on a league of her own.

The email story goes that Kris was a tad rude to these 2 kids who were dying to have their picture taken with her. Is it true or not? I read the email writer's blog entry. My friend, BenC of the Couch Kamote Reviews, sent me the link. Who am I to judge? I wasn't there. Like everyone else, I was just one of those who got the email.

My cousin, Nicole, who originally forwarded me the email said that Kris was given the chance to air her side on her Sunday TV talk show, The Buzz. I scoured YouTube for a video of said interview but never saw it. I saw it, however, on the author's Multiply blog. I cannot write the blog title here because - well, the Tagalog colloquial for female genitalia is just too...impolite to even write down.

OFF TOPIC: Hmmm...why is it that English swear words are somehow more bearable to utter and spell than Tagalog ones? Filipino curse words (if you understand them) are just very...I dunno...crisp?

Anyway, I saw the video.

From a marketing standpoint, the video was good PR fluff. But, personally, I wouldn't use it if I was marketing Kris and needed to counteract bad publicity. The video was cheap, crass and very elementary, my dear Watson. The email attacked Kris for being mean to two kids. The video showed her being photographed around so many kids. C'mon, publicity wizards! You have got to be more creative and way classier than that.

Of course, I get the point of the video. All I'm saying is that you can take the issue and answer it in a manner that does not stoop to the same level as the bad publicity hounding your client.

For instance, they could've shown a video of collage photos showing the child Kris addressing the public during her father's political campaigns. Remember those famous photos? A reminder that this woman is actually the youngest daughter of one of our country's heroes. Ergo, how can one so well-bred, well-heeled and pedigreed be all that they claim her to be? Yeah, yeah, I know. Even her father's name and memory can never salvage what is left of her reputation but hey! If I had a father as well-revered by a nation as Kris', I'd milk his reputation for all its worth. Oh please. Isn't that what fathers are for?

Where it is easier to manipulate the branding strat for a product or service, celebrity branding is a bit more difficult. These are people as in humans and not the kind that comes out of MIB's intergalactic airport. Therefore, they have this annoying habit of being...well, human. And that just destroys any branding strat.

When a product goes off strat, you can just take the thing back to the lab, scream at your assistants, howl in rage at the sales team and engage your lungs in a carcinogenic feast. After which, you release it to the public (pretty like weapons of mass destruction) in a funkier package, different price points using savvier advertising and call it New.

With a service, there's nothing to return to the lab but you can still have an adrenaline rush from screaming at your assistants, howling in rage at the customer service people and then get drunk on tequila. When you come out of the Betty Ford Clinic, you give your service a funkier name (hopefully, it is trademarked and properly copyrighted), a better designed website that search engines won't hate, different price points, a nasty tri-media campaign (if applicable) and call it Effective or Efficient - whichever E word you prefer.

Celebrity branding, on the other hand, requires a formidable bar collection and endless supply of weed.

Did 'ya see that Britney mess on Dateline? The one with the Matt Lauer interview? I can just imagine where her publicist headed off to after seeing that air on how many plasma screens across the US.

I scoured YouTube for a video link. I googled like crazy. Zilch. Nada. None. Everything - and I mean, everything - was pulled out. This video no longer available. Dateline has a transcript but the impact just wasn't the same. Man, Britney has more clout than George Bush. Then again, if you spent your career prancing around half-naked and sometimes with snakes - of course, you will have serious clout.

And here on the plane where mortals reside...


We do not have to be celebrities to be a brand. We are a brand unto ourselves. Anything we do or say affects that personal brand. Our personal brand is woven in every facet of our lives.

It affects our credibility and, from there, the way we do business or perform our work. It affects our morals and that is just difficult to overcome on a first date, don't you think? It is in the way we raise our children who we all hope to become Mini-Me, a very bad marketing strategy that we all insist on following for reasons we will never know. On the bright side, many prep schools have benefited from that knowledge.

People have often commented that Angel is this or Angel is that - all glowing, by the way. To which I will always reply, "It's in the marketing campaign." Well, hello. I build brands for a living. What kind of a marketing consultant am I if I cannot brand my own daughter right, yes?

So, yeah, in my twisted mind, I think of my daughter as a brand and employ a marketing campaign on her. I believe the rest of the world calls this parenting. But, I am a dyed-in-the-wool marketing strategist. I need to use marketing buzz words. Otherwise, I will shrivel up and die.

I was talking to Dean the other day and he heard my dog bark. He asked what kind of dog I had. Some dog was my reply. HORRORS! My dog is woefully un-branded.

As marketing gurus everywhere say - brand, brand and brand like crazy. Now, excuse me. I need to work on a brand strat. For my dog.

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Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 2:29 PM
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. . .
EEEP! I was checking out my blog stats and I discovered that someone else also uses the title Confessions Of A Marketing Addict. Well, it's not exactly the name of the blog but it uses "Confessions" as a sub-title.

The blog is really called
MindArrays and it is owned by Tery Spataro. Tery, should you ever stumble onto this blog, I swear I did not know. FYI, she's very pretty. And I'm not trying to use flattery to wiggle my way out of this one. She really is. Go on and see.

When you google for marketing addict, you find us both. Nyay.

Note to Self: Buy more creativity drugs.

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Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 2:17 AM
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. . .
Becoming A Brand

My friend, Joseph (
Philippine Star's Lifestyle sub-editor - Hello, Sabel!), first told me about him and his blog about a year and a half ago. I went to check it out and, as far as I was concerned, I found it to be narcissistic and shallow. Of course, that's my official press release.

The truth is that he fascinates me yet my fascination for him repels me.

I find myself cringing when I visit his blog and I do so in the dead of the night when I am sure Angel will never catch me there. It would be just too embarrassing. For how do I explain to my teenage daughter what I'm doing in that blog?

I'm an adult who should know better than to read trash. Then again, I wouldn't be an adult if I didn't do that which I'm not supposed to do precisely because I don't know any better. And we think teenagers are a confusing lot? Try being 30-something and you will realize that confused takes a whole new meaning.

For the longest time, I didn't want to talk about him. But, because his blog now ranks among one of the highest in Philippine blogs, I find that I must talk about him. Purely in aid of marketing knowledge, you understand? Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Welcome to Bryan Boy's world.

I think I (and this is probably shared by his minions who number by the millions) find him fascinating because the boy is truly unapologetic for who he is. He embraces his personality with much gusto and revels in it. He articulates the average Pinoy's deepest wish and breathes life to all of our hedonistic fantasies. He shouts what we can only whisper of in the solitary darkness of our bedrooms and dwells on topics (using words, I might add) that are never spoken of in polite society. At least, polite Philippine society.

Bryan Boy has become a brand, thanks to his infamous blog.

Like all brands, he has a logo. The only difference is that his logo was not created on Adobe Photoshop by the creative wizards at an ad agency. His blog followers created it for him. His logo (if you can actually call it a logo) is his now well-known Bryan Boy Pose. Beat that text-based logo of Coca-Cola! That pose was a result of a night of partying where a wasted Bryan Boy suddenly thrust his hideously expensive designer bag into the camera. Voila! Everybody - including Fendi - now sports that pose. So, I really read his blog, shoot me.


Photo Credit: BryanBoy


What I like about him (marketing-wise, of course) is that everything he does strengthens his personal brand. He knows who he is and how he wants people to perceive him. He knows his target market and hones into their tastes and preferences. He does not veer away from the brand strat of his personal brand. He has found his niche and has the discipline to stick to the brand strat for that niche.

I can only wish the same for former brands I've worked with and clients I currently handle. They could certainly learn a lot from Bryan Boy where branding strategies are concerned. Some of them are just so stubborn, you wonder what drugs they ingested for breakfast.

He even has a tagline. I Love Bryan Boy. No high marks there for originality lest the City of New York will come after him with guns blazing. But, 'ya gotta admit, it works. Check out all the I love Bryan Boy photos.

I don't think Bryan Boy realizes he is employing a brand strat on himself or that he has become a brand. Right now, they just refer to him as some kind of celebrity but, as well know, celebrities are brands themselves.

I certainly hope Bryan Boy does not go the Paris Hilton route where this poor, misguided soul is into everything and anything. To anyone who has seen that sex video, I'm sure Ms. Hilton has even gone beyond the concept of everything and anything. Spell contortionist. From watches to perfumes to books to records to sex videos to TV shows, can this woman just pleeeassse tell us what she wants to be?! Clearly, Ms. Hilton is a very bad example of brand extensions.

Although with that coming soon accessories line of his (hers?), my guts tell me that our beloved Bryan Boy will succumb to the temptation of being the Philippine version of La Paris. Well, the gay version, at least. Because, last I heard, it is Celine Lopez (another equally confused brand) who holds that distinguished position.

Will the Bryan Boy phenomenon last?

Let's put it this way. For as long as we have a fascination for all things nouveau, vulgar and hideously rich, he should have another good 3 years. After which, he needs to evaluate his strategic marketing plan and start seriously thinking about evolving his brand before it dies - as all product life cycles are wont to.

Why?

Hello, he's growing old. In 3 years, he'll be in his late-20's. Whether he likes it or not, biology dictates he must evolve as a brand. What works now will not work for a gay guy in his 30's. Branding 101. Gary Coleman, Nino Muhlach, Britney Spears. Need I say more?

Look at Aiza Seguerra. She was smart enough to re-package herself from that annoying little brat/child actress to one of today's popular singers in Philippine show business. And when I say re-package, I mean really re-package. I am gay. I am in love. I have a tattoo. You go, girl!

A brand is a dynamic, living, evolving and breathing thing. At times, it can even walk on two legs and in stilettos.


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Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 1:28 AM
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. . .
Friday, August 25, 2006
The View From The Other Side

I had inadvertently stumbled on this website as I was searching for a link to my previous post. Actually, I already saw this website before and dismissed it. I'm sure the website owner had very sincere intentions in what he wrote.


Unfortunately, it is rather limited. His observations do not hold true for educated Filipinas coming from what we refer to here as DBFs. De Buena Familia. The Good Family.

But, then again, I cannot blame the man either. That is his experience of living here and the same probably holds true for most foreigners living on Philippine shores.

Let me just correct and state my opinion on a few of his thoughts.


"Filipinas girls, are not only beautiful women but a delight to be around because of the famous Filipina disposition and personality." Afternoon delight? Here, kitty, kitty.

"Some, actually many who marry these Filipina beauties, swear they make the best wives in the world." Oh, like Manolo Blahnik. He makes some of the world's best shoes.

"And, don't worry if you are older or overweight, like half the population of the western world. Both women and men here have the highest respect for age and weight is a plus to some here. It is a status symbol."

Where is this weight is a status symbol thing on the manual? Did my mother forget to include that chapter on my copy when she gave birth to me? I get the age because we really have a high respect for our senior citizens but the weight?! Where did that come from?

"Most Filipinas like a man with a little, or even a lot of, meat on his bones." Now, which is it, really, that we prefer? Thin or fat? Make up your mind.

"And the men here are attracted to "heavy" women, a sign of health to them, especially in provincial areas." They are?! I need to have a serious talk with my Filipino male friends, then, and put an end to my ridiculous dieting.

"Romance and eventual marriage is a preoccupation, especially for young Filipina girls in the province." In the Spanish era, probably. Either the guy is stuck in a time warp or he lives in a province I cannot find on the Philippine map.

"If you are involved with a girl who is not a virgin in this culture, you are running the risk of getting involved with an emotionally unstable woman." Like I said, limited.

"Meeting a woman through someone else is a good idea. If you meet an older man or woman who has some status, be direct and say, "I am looking for a wife." They will not be shocked, I assure you, but delighted, if you are truly a gentleman."


Are you kidding me?! My father will gut your innards out and my male cousins will come after you with a carving knife. That is the typical reaction of any Filipino father. What this guy mentioned is an exception rather than the rule. I'm guessing the father he mentioned was just way too delighted to have the dollars pouring in.

"And if you don't like the sister or cousin, he will find another relative to introduce you to around the corner." Gee, abroad, I just shop for shoes and watches. Apparently, here, you shop for wives.

"Pen pal listings, E-mail pals, Introduction services are other ways to meet Filipinas and Filipinos. I did not meet my wife through one of these services. I took the time to come here and find one who was not interested in marrying a foreigner." And isn't this a good example of nation branding at its best?

"If you are capable and refuse to help support her family who may need it because of the very hard economic situation here, she may not say anything, but she will neither respect you nor understand." Sweetie, she will not say anything. She will not respect or understand you. Because she will not be there. At all.

"There is an essentially unlimited pool of women who would love to date you here." Now, if that is not a phenomenal call to action, I don't know what is.

"I feel like I am living like a king here in the Philippines and have been since I came here because of the kindness of the people. And my small income seem like a kingly fortune too." Well, thank you. I think. At the current Forex of P52 to a dollar, indeed the minimum wage in the US is a fortune in the Philippines.

And here is wonderful advice from his friend:

"First, avoid Manila. The girls there are far less likely to have the values you seek." Aw, shucks. That rules me out then. Translation? Manila girls have a tendency to think on their feet; island girls don't.

"I have traveled much of the country and find Cebu city to be the best for a new-comer (at least until you become grounded) especially if you are an American." Ah yes, the Queen City of the South where many of these lonely hearts abound. Cebu, home to the island girls.

"I think there are many great things about living here, the good women tops among them." I'm sure the good women do. Otherwise, why are you living here?

The Department of Tourism should pay this guy.


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Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 1:26 PM
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. . .
That Legendary Filipina Charm

Filipinos are known for their hospitality and charm.

Visiting a Filipino family, no matter how dire their circumstances are, will always assure you that you get the best of everything that their money can buy. Never mind if they have to go in debt for it.

To some cultures, that's probably viewed as the height of stupidity. To the Filipino, it is the expected social norm. Hence, we've got fiestas that bring out vats of food the likes of which Africa has never seen. Of course, after the fiesta, we are all happily in debt to the loan sharks but who cares? We served great food and everybody had a great time.

Unfortunately, while we as a nation are a very hospitable lot, there is a huge segment of my Filipina sisters who take that hospitality just a tad further.

From birth, it is instilled in Filipino girls that we have to be domestic divas subservient and submissive to the needs of our future husbands. In a Filipino home, the man is master. It does not matter if he is a jobless oaf or a business tycoon. He is the man of the household and everybody kowtows to him. His word is law and, if you know what's good for you, you do not ever question that law. Which explains why Filipino men are equally legendary in their chauvinism.

It's not as obvious now but that fact still holds true. A little more discreet, perhaps, to suit the times but, trust me, it's there - alive and doing very, very well. It is a norm that transcends all socio-economic classes of Philippine society.

For Filipina career women, that can be a challenge. Always, you are looked upon as a pet. Beautiful and intelligent, maybe, but a pet nonetheless.

This trait that has been instilled in us for generations upon generations is what makes the Filipina a highly prized commodity in the Mail Order Bride market. No one wants to say it but Filipinas are actually one of our best exports along with other agricultural products. With the collapse of the sugar industry, I'm guessing Filipinas rank higher now in export statistics compared to sugar. How many Filipinas do you want in your coffee, dear?


The sad state of our economy does not help. So you find these Filipinas (I call them island girls) haunting internet cafes in search of their white knight. To a lot of my Filipina sisters, the only way out of this misery is through the almighty dollar or euro, whichever is applicable. Ergo, the mad rush to capture one Joe or...Helmut.

I have lost count of the number of times I've been in internet cafes where women are in intense conversations with these foreigners. So intense, I actually thought they were negotiating the new terms for the GATT. No, no, no...you send the money, my goiter ok...you love me, I love you too...send money.


Oh! It is a GATT negotiation.

And it's not just the island girls. Professional women engage in it as well although more discreetly with more sophistication and way better English. You find them on Filipino Friend Finders or other personals site for Filipinos. Heck, even on Friendster, you find them.

The foreigners I do business with? All of them have a Filipina somewhere in their closets. Either they're married to one, about to marry one, having an affair with one or just having one. You go to
Puerto Galera and Boracay. You will see that the businesses there are owned by foreigners but registered under the names of their Filipino women. Philippine business laws require any business to have a 60% Filipino ownership.

Over time, what was once a legendary reputation has evolved to a notorious one. What was once appealing is now sordid. Quaint and charm has suddenly taken on a different meaning, one that has nothing to do with being quaint and charming.

Suddenly, being Filipina meant you're either the maid or a whore.

To the rest of us who do not belong to either category, tough luck. You're always forced to be on the defensive especially where foreigners abound. You have this almost pathological need to prove there is more to you than just your anatomy or domestic skills. So, you move heaven and earth to prove that.

For your trouble, you will be labeled a bitch.

I cannot blame the foreigners. We brought this on ourselves. Had we thought of ourselves a little more highly, we would not be in this mess. Of course, we can always blame the government. But, really, how many DVD players do we need at home to be happy? And since we chose our government, we only have ourselves to blame for that as well. We get what we think we deserve. We think we deserve these corrupt politicians who do nothing to alleviate our country's misery, therefore, we get exactly that.

The Philippines is an exquisite country and we Filipinos are an incredibly generous, loving, warm and resilient lot. What a shame if the rest of the world fails to see that. Because all they can see is the flowing jet black hair, the petite frame, the mesmerizing doe eyes, those incredible legs and the breathtaking perennially-tanned skin on top of the legendary Filipina charm.

But the greater shame is that we as a nation only see that as well. Therein lies the real tragedy.

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Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 1:14 PM
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. . .
Is It Worth It?

I was really shaken by that incident today. I felt raped.

When I had gotten my bearings after that incident, I immediately emailed someone I knew from that network. I asked how I could delete a contact without that contact ever knowing I deleted him. Or, at least, delete politely. God knows why I still wanted to be polite to Joe. I can only blame my parents for that. This good breeding thing is not a very good thing. Therefore, I highly recommend you raise your children to be boors.

Then, I went on the said network to ask the same question. No details. Why be a drama queen? Some instances call for drama. This is not one of those.

But, I remained bothered. Was there something I could've done to prevent that incident from happening? Did I miss a clue? Did overlook a hint? I wrack my mind thinking about where I went wrong. The uncertainty of not knowing where I made the mistake was driving me nuts.

Add to the fact that Angel is always on the internet and my paranoia mounted. If I could encounter that despite all the checks I made, how much more a 14-year-old who does not know anything except she's having fun blogging?

Finally, I decided to go on another business network I was a member of. Not the one where I met Joe. I posted a general question without having to go into details. Again, I did not want to sound like a drama queen. I was not asking for sympathy. I just desperately needed an answer to my question: How do you spot a pervert on a respectable business network?


I get this reply on a private message.

"Are you really that bored ? some of us come to this site to actually get some business information, not stupid ass fucking questions asking about perverts."

Of course, I lost my temper. No, I will not name the guy (yep, it's a guy because only a guy could react that way over an incident like this and I don't mean to be making this a guy-bashing opinion) because he's not important to this post.

I gave my piece on that message and, for me, that was it. It was not so for the guy in question. He went on to this blog and posted really nasty messages on my meebo.

[01:58] meeboguest213631: youre an ignorant fucking cunt ya know that
[01:58] meeboguest213631: look at the first thing you see on this piece of shit blog
[01:59] meeboguest213631: fucking sexy womans legs
[01:59] meeboguest213631: like all other flip whores


I chose to ignore it. Why dignify the statements by acknowledging it?

Which now brings me to the real point of this post. How do you spot a pervert if he has seemingly respectable credentials that all check out?

I have no answer. Whatever answers I have are all gone now after what I went through.

Which brings me to the second point of this post. Is it worth it, then, to join a business network?

Much as I would like to say that you don't join a business network to prey on others, the reality is that it happens. But, you can only do this for so long before your own business (assuming it's not bogus) suffers along with your credibility. The guy on Skype should be glad I still retained my sense of respect (even though he clearly does not deserve it) by refusing to give him a name. What for? He's not worth it, either.

Business networks are there to help business owners. It is a wonderful source of information. The guy on Skype and the guy who flamed me are exceptions to the rule. Most of the time, people on a business network are helpful and generous with their expertise. I learn a lot from them. Most of them are wonderful people. Some days, they have their moods but who doesn't have those kinds of days? And, always, it is good to have new friends.

So, yes, despite these incidents, I would still recommend you join a business network. What happened to me does not happen all the time. Maybe, the planets were not aligned correctly today and I just happened to be in the way of the universe. I chalk it up to experience.

It does not diminish the trauma but I cannot let the trauma control me. Because if I did that, then, these guys just won. It will take more than them to bring me down to my knees. If someone has to do that to me, I'd rather get it from a worthy adversary.

I learned a lot from business networks. That's where I got the HitTail, LongTail concept. And, as I write this, everyone was very, very patient in explaining it all to me. They did not laugh at my ignorance. They took the time from their busy schedules to teach me the value of these concepts to marketers.

Some people join it for business contacts and expanding their own businesses. I do not have that luxury because my kind of work requires a certain degree of trust that can only happen over long periods of time. But, I join for the knowledge I gain and the friends I make.

Join a business network, by all means. But, realize that participating in a business network requires a mode of conduct that all professionals in the real world (not just the virtual world) should exercise.

Let's make our mothers proud of us, shall we?


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Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 3:29 AM
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. . .
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Risky Business

Doing business over the internet is always tricky. There's just way too many sleaze bags out there who, while doing legit business, are also prowling the internet in search of the next Filipina idiot.

So. I run into this guy. Let's call him, Joe. Joe, in his normal life, runs several businesses specializing in healthcare. He's an American guy living here in Asia with a son in
Stanford. "It's an Ivy League school." Yes, dear, I know what Stanford is.

We started with emails which were pretty ok. Then, chatting over Skype. We finally agreed to telecom.

"Hi Hon!" R-R-I-I-N-G-G! Alarm bells sounded off in my brain immediately. No businessman will ever address a potential business associate as Hon. In any language, culture, race or country, Hon in a first business meeting is just not done.

Still, I let it pass. After all, my business associates who I happen to be very close to use endearments when addressing me. I have been called Bella, Amore, Sunny Babe, Sunny Bunny and Sunny Girl. Maybe Hon is in that spirit as well. Let's not be such a repressed bitch now, shall we?

"Do you have a webcam?" Second warning bell. Why do we need a video? It serves no purpose in a business conversation. Again, I let it pass. Maybe, it's a personal issue. Some people are not comfortable talking to someone who remains faceless in their minds.

So, we Skype with video.

He's shirtless and I recoil in revulsion. Not that he's ugly or anything but a shirtless guy on my computer monitor is not welcomed. And I still let it pass. Give the guy a break. It's humid now in Asia and, maybe, his airconditioning isn't working. Who the hell knows?

"Stand up. I want to see your figure." I killed the Skype connection without warning.

Sorry, you dialed the wrong number. This is not 1-800-FILIPINASLUTS. I am not the average Filipina prowling the internet in search of the next available white trash while pretending to be doing business.

I cannot blame Joe for trying. Like all foreigners, he has a stereotype of a Filipina in his mind. Because he lives in Asia, the stereotype is further cemented in his brain. So, to him, every Filipina on the internet is just looking for a white guy to hook up with. No, not this Filipina.

This is the first time it ever happened to me on the internet. I guess there's always the first time. Hey, I understood where Joe was coming from. But, he should've gotten to know me more first before he jumped to his conclusions.

I don't cook. I don't do household chores. I am extremely well-educated. I speak flawless English. I know what the eff is Stanford. So, yes, I am overqualified to be the maid. I have, however, 3 maids on my payroll. I am currently in the market for a houseboy. Perhaps Joe with his miniscule wardrobe would like to apply. I pay very good wages for my hired help.

I immediately blocked him from my Skype and email list. Joe and I are not and never will be operating on the same wavelength. He inhabits a sordid universe that I do not intend to visit. Not for one second.

I can take the occasional risque comment or joke. My Italian client subjects me to that on a daily basis if only to piss me off. But, there are things I will not tolerate. This is one of them.

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Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 6:41 PM
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. . .
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Sales 101: The Sequel

So, I finally discover the reason behind this desperate bid to make that sales pitch today. Because I need one more sale by Thursday to qualify for a gold.

I had ended my client call unceremoniously. That time of the month. Since I did not want my client to witness my morphing into
Ms. Hyde, I called on my Supergirl powers and left, leaping over tall buildings in a single bounce.

Then, I get the dreaded call on my way out. I'm on my way to meet you now. Yikes. I forgot to cancel that one. So, I said I'm on my way home because I'm not feeling well. Let's just re-schedule. Last time I checked, I spoke fluent English. But, strangely, the man failed to understand. I'm going over to your house. Where do you live? Now, if this was My Sheikh, it would be a good thing. But, he was not and so it was a very, very bad thing.

I replied (in Tagalog this time, just to be sure he gets it) that I was not feeling well. No problem. I'll drive there. Ay, tanga. Finally, I just said that I'll call him once I get home because the phone I was using was not mine. Now, at this point, any sales guy with a brain would back off and wait for a phone call.

Not this one, dear. This one just drove up to where my house was located. I reined in my legendary temper. Have we not, at one point in our lives, been desperate enough to make a sale? Do you remember all the mistakes you did that, hopefully, you have now learned from? I do. So I was prepared to give him that much leeway.

What I was not prepared for is practically being held at gunpoint to sign on the document sealing the sale.

I like to call this now as The Sale Conversation with Satan's Lieutenant. If you know what's good for you, you will never ever follow this example until the day you croak. I read from Dante that the airconditioning at The Inferno never works.

ME: Ok, leave the documents with me and I'll think about it.
HIM: But, I need it by Thursday. Can I get it tomorrow?
ME: No. I will not be in this area tomorrow.
HIM: (in eureka mode) I know! Just sign the document.

Dear, I know I did not brush my hair when I came to meet you. I realize that a ratty t-shirt and torn denim shorts do not make a very good positioning statement as far as my credibility goes. But, know this. My unkempt hair is not an indication of my level of intelligence. It just says I don't own a hairbrush.

I am not signing any blank document that might get me in more debt. Millions of debts. I am not signing any document that uses Times New Roman size 8, single spaced and line justified without reading it using one of CSI's microscopes.

Then, he starts to whine. I cannot stand whining men. I detest whining salesmen. I snapped. What's with Thursday? Finally, he grins sheepishly. Why do men think they're cute when they grin sheepishly? They're not. Only the sheep looks cute when they grin sheepishly which is why it's called exactly that - sheepishly. Because I need one more sale by Thursday to qualify for the gold. That's why I drove all the way here.

Some salesmen are just so talented, they're blessed with more chutzpah.

Of course, I didn't sign it. If he had insisted some more, I'd have bashed his head. Another sales tip: Know your potential client. And by know, I mean discover if she's PMS-ing today. If she is, compute exactly how much are your legs worth to you. You will know what to do after you figure out the Math.

You know, I really wanted to get his product. Even without using a sales pitch on me, I'd have given him a call. He didn't have to try so hard because I was already sold on it. I told him so. But, the more he badgered me, the more I became hostile both to him and his product.

How apt that this week's MarketingProfs carries an article on selling, "Telling Ain't Selling". I read it after my first post on this subject. I couldn't help but smile towards the end of the article where the author, Abhay Padgaonkar, advices "Patience, My Dear."

May I suggest putting that on all sales manuals?

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Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 12:20 AM
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. . .
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Sales 101: What NOT To Do

Here are a few tips on how not to lose a potential client.

Tip #1: Do not be an annoying pest.

There is a fine line between making a follow up and being a pain in the ass. When your potential client tells you, "I will call or SMS you when I am free", restrain yourself from calling her again the next day. Or, the week after. If you must give in to the itch to follow up, 3 weeks is a decent time. Anything less than that is stalking.


If she tells you for the nth time, she's not available - chances are she does not want your product or your service. In which case, move along now, children.

Tip #2: Do not put your potential client in a position where she feels ambushed.

Do not show up at her house. Do not, for the love of God, put her in a position where she feels she has to meet you because you're already at her doorstep. That is just so crass. I understand you need to make a sale but ambushes are best reserved for communist rebels, don't you think?

Tip #3: Do not attempt to flatter your potential client especially if the client in question is a marketing strategist.

"I will go to wherever you are" and "I will do anything for you" is a line out of a very bad Shakespeare movie adaptation that should be left at home along with cupid-designed boxers. She will not be flattered; she will be annoyed because you are wasting her time. More to the point, it is perhaps best to remember that sales tactics come from marketing people. Ergo, she can spot a sales pitch a mile away. Honesty is the best policy. Anything else is b.s.


Tip #4: Try, at all costs, to be diplomatic.

While honesty is always the best policy, practice it with finesse and class. Should you make a follow up and you feel she's not giving you a straight answer, take a hint so, therefore, take a hike. It is one thing to ask a potential client pointblank if they are interested in your product or service. It is quite another when you make her feel bad about herself.

Tip #5: A date does not qualify as an excuse to make a sales presentation.

Again, honesty. When you're asking someone out to make a pitch, say so. Do not do so in the guise of a coffee date. Because, for all you know, she really does not want to go on a date with you but feels she must for the sake of politeness. Women are very strange creatures so, yes, it is highly possible that not all of us are desperate to go on a date. Some of us do because we were taught by our mothers to treat men with courtesy and respect. Hence, a sales pitch in the guise of a date is just a waste of her time and a potential client loss for you.

Unless you look like a god, best not to go down this route.

Tip #6: Learn to spot if the potential client is interested in your product or service or she's just making conversation.

When she shows an interest in a product that's along your product line (though she's not referring at all to the specific brand you're selling), do not take it to mean you can hound her for an appointment to show her your catalog. And, for heaven's sakes, never ever demand that she meet up with you because you have already put together products she might be interested in. In short, do not be a demanding little sh*t. You do not have that luxury.

"Hey, I was wondering if you're in the area because I'd like to show you some products that you might be interested in." Good, very good. "I've put together a list of products that you can choose from. I'll meet you at Greenbelt for coffee at 6pm." Gawdawful.

I am all for sales follow-ups and strategies to counteract a potential client's excuses. Heck, I've made many a salesman unhappy by insisting they follow these strategies at gunpoint.

But, as with all things in life, bagging an account is best played by ear.

Know when you're being annoying. Know when your potential client is not interested and, if that were true, B-A-C-K O-F-F. Now.

Someday, she might get your product or service or even refer you to friends and business associates. But, it's not happening today and the more you push for that sale, the more you will lose it. Worst case scenario? She'll spread the word that you are an annoying little beast.

Getting that sale is like wooing a woman. Not the kind that we have in this century because we are not being wooed by men at all. Wooing is actually becoming archaic. Like chivalry, it will soon be dead. I'm talking about wooing the old fashioned way - flowers, lavender letters and singing under mango trees. That kind of wooing.

Patience is not only a virtue. It is also a big, fat commission where rape - in any shape or form - does not play a role.

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Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 7:01 PM
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. . .
Monday, August 21, 2006
Today Is...

People wonder why I have eyebags that would put the entire
Louis Vuitton collection to shame. Well! Let me describe this marketing consultant's typical day for you.

I normally wake up at 10am. This waking up process is painful. Because I don't want to. I stagger to my computer in a zombie-like state, get my maid to bring me coffee (an excessively strong java hit is needed for my brains to catch up with the rest of my body) and go online. I check my emails (an activity I hate because it requires thinking to reply to them and that is not such a good idea when your stomach is growling) and, then, I go through posts on my business networks. I do the last one to put my brains in work mode. Otherwise, I'm screwed.

The afternoons are spent in meetings that only God knows when it will end. Often, I have business dinners that I don't want to go to because it will mean missing my favorite TV trash, Majika.

In between these meetings and business what-nots, I try to squeeze in coffee with friends and often fail to show up. Why? Because the stupid meeting I had did not end on time. Filipinos do not have a very clear concept of time. I am living proof of that.

TIP: When doing business with Filipinos, always set your watch a good 30 minutes back. When he says 1pm, he actually means 2pm. Hopefully, you're talking about the same year. Otherwise, I would suggest keeping your watch a good 365 days back. Welcome to the (in)famous Filipino time.

ANOTHER TIP: When you want us to be prompt, tell us 1pm, American time. But, I wouldn't put much hope in that either. When in Rome...

I get home anywhere between 10pm-2am. Do I get to sleep then? Sleep? WHAT IS THAT?! Of course, I can't sleep. Because while the rest of the Philippine archipelago sleeps (and pretty much most of Southeast Asia), the Western Hemisphere is just brewing coffee and reading their morning paper. Translation? I have to wait for my counterpart on the other side of the world to move his lazy behind and get to work. So, while these people are chirpy, I sound like Death himself.

If I'm lucky, my head hits my fluffy pillow between 3am-4:30am. If not, I am the first to greet the sun in my neighborhood.

My favorite Oscar Wilde quote goes, "A visionary is one who finds his way by moonlight and sees the dawn before the rest of the world." Oh yes, I definitely see the dawn before anyone else does. I totally understand how vampires feel when they see the sun. And I am named Sunny.

Holidays have no meaning for me.

Today is a holiday here. The nation marks the nth death anniversary of Ninoy Aquino. It has no bearing on my working life other than the fact that Angel is home. Last Fourth of July, one of my clients wondered why I was working. Because, dear, the Fourth of July is not important to everyone else in the world.

This working with different time zones is vastly overrated. There is nothing glamorous about eyebags. I look like a raccoon. It's like business travel, another overrated activity. What is so chic about long airport lines and sleeping in airport benches that do nothing but bring you one step closer to osteoporosis? I hate business travel. The food is never good and the coffee is just vile. Somehow, the toothbrush never feels right and you go to your meeting as if there's still a huge piece of meat stuck between your teeth.

Last week, I was so confused with the days. I kept asking what day it was. Today is Thursday. No, it's Friday. It got so bad that my own assistant got confused herself. It is Thursday today. No, ma'am, it is Thursday in the United States but Friday here. Which now explains why I missed that Friday meeting. Here.

Ay. I need a better system. Or, maybe, stronger drugs.

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Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 2:04 PM
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. . .
Sunday, August 20, 2006
I Can Be A Very Angry Customer

My friend,
Charles Dennis, just had his article published. Congratulations, dude! I like to call Chuck the Angry Customer Expert.

Here in the Philippines, it would do everyone a lot of good to read that article, The Angry Customer Is Your Friend. Paging Jollibee, Digitel and Globe. I've been a very angry customer of these companies at one time or another. I probably have a file on them that says, Bitch Customer from Hell.

Reading Chuck's article is enlightening. For once, I feel as if someone actually understands all my venomous rantings. And I am not saying that because Chuck is my friend.

Of all the things I totally despise about complaining, it's when the person at the other end of my call cannot empathize with what I'm going through. They do not understand the frustration and that sense of betrayal. Because, really, when you are not satisfied with a product or service, you feel very betrayed.

They interrupt you and have no patience to listen to your rage. I don't care how long you have to be tied up to my call. If you can bother me with your myriad of marketing and advertising messages just to hound me to buy your product, can't you at least extend to me the same courtesy by listening to me vent my frustration over a product or service that your gawdawful company is selling or producing?

Wow. Another long winded sentence that would make my English professor scream.

For instance, at Digitel before. My DSL used to be Digitel. I'm sorry but their service sucks. Big time. I wrote about them here before on this blog. You call and call and they give you the same marketing crap in that same monotonous voice. The customer service agent does not even make an attempt at sincerity. Then, they have the temerity to tell you not to scream. Well, why the hell shouldn't I? This is my nth call and you sorry s*n*vab*tch can't give me a straight answer.

Customers like honesty. I think when you're honest to a customer, they appreciate you for it even if it's practically admitting to your own product's flaw. You know, not every angry customer wants to drag your ass to court because, really, who needs the hassle and all for what?

When my DSL or mobile service is down because your network is down, then, for God's sakes, tell me so. Do not tell me that you checked with the technical division and there is no network maintenance going on in my area. When you do that, you are, in effect, passing the blame on me. Now, why would I call you if it's my own unit that has the problem? I am not in the habit of making phone pals out of call center service agents, you know.

With Digitel, I asked them to call me back at the end of each day to give me an update because my connection was going crazy for weeks already. They did. Once. Never happened again. What? You can be bothered if you need my money but you can't be bothered if I have a legitimate complaint? Then, we're not having a mutually beneficial relationship because you're just using me. I'm taking my money elsewhere. Goodbye.

We had this crisis management seminar before when I still at Jollibee. I remember clearly one of the rules. Actually, it was the #1 Rule: Never Acknowledge Responsibility. I can understand where they're coming from but I don't believe this is a good way to go. Nothing frustrates a customer more than a company that cannot apologize sincerely and acknowledge their mistakes.

So, you're there dealing with an irate mother whose children are going berserk because the lines to the counter are long. She's hyperventilating and you're standing like an idiot in front of her because your brain is trying to come up with a good combination of words that will not acknowledge any responsibility. The f**kin' line is long. How else do you want the customer to see that other than the fact that it's your responsibility to shorten the friggin' line?

"The urge to fix a problem before acknowledging the pain is often where service calls go awry." I like this line, Chuck.

It sums up what the customer is really looking for the first time he complains. Not just a solution to his problem with your product or service. But, a way of commiserating with his pain. When a company does that, it's easier and saner now to discuss how best to address the problem. Until then, I'm just angry. Period. Because I'm angry, I'm not willing to listen to anything not even a solution to whatever triggered my anger in the first place.

Businesses in the Philippines are fast catching up on their crisis management skills and they are learning not to take disgruntled customers' feelings for granted. True, there are abusive customers but they are the exception rather than the rule.

In malls here, you can't return just any item the way they do it abroad. There is a law that states all items can be returned within 7 days from the date of purchase with the accompanying receipt. No questions asked. But, go to any retailer here and ask them about that law. It's like dragging them to the kangaroo court of the NPAs. And, of course, they will interrogate you on why you're returning the item. Not ask. Ask speaks of politeness. It's really the Spanish Inquisition.

I am reminded of an incident I had with Globe. After complaining for the nth time that I cannot activate my voice mail, I had no patience left. The customer service rep said that I should just wait for the text message to come in so I can have it activated. Well, I would've appreciated it more if the company told me that text message will arrive a few minutes before the Second Coming of Christ.

The customer service agent decided he was going to be high and mighty about it because, after all, he works for one of the country's telecoms behemoth. He gives me the same marketing crap in a totally condescending voice. Honey, I conceptualize marketing crap for a living so I screamed at him. "SHUT UP!"

And she left never to return.

Chuck Dennis is a principal of Knowledgence Associates. His practice centers around the assessment, strategy, training, implementation, and coaching of a customer-focused business philosophy where everyone who comes into contact with a business is viewed as a customer. He can be reached at (617) 661-8250 or
cedennis@knowledgence.com.

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Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 1:01 PM
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. . .
Saturday, August 19, 2006
The New Recruit

Every once in a while, you pick up a gem that you should share with the rest of the world.

Althea Garner posted a video link on her network discussion board over at Ryze. It was a kick ass AVP from ClientLogic. I posted it on other boards and sent it via email to friends and business associates. Everyone loved it. Lots of people asked if they could download the thing on their laptops and mobiles.

Sorry, no. Althea already inquired and the copyrighted material cannot be downloaded.

Why is that, ClientLogic? I know it is your recruitment AVP but do you people realize what a priceless marketing tool you have there in your hands? And the only people who can ever appreciate it are clueless call center agents who cannot afford to avail of your services. It is well and good to rally the cavalry to your cause but, sweetie, when presented with an opportunity to brand - then, brand until hell freezes over.

Here's what I would've done. Ooops. I can't post now what I would've done because I just got legally gagged by a client with a Confidentiality Agreement. Litigation, litigation and litigation.

McKinsey Quarterly recently had an article on branding as a powerful recruitment tool. If you're an HR specialist who lost his way into this blog, read it.

I didn't read it. I read the first sentence and voila! The universe re-aligned and I now know what the article is about without reading anything. Or, at least, that's what I told myself to stop the guilt feeling from choking me. One of the guys who wrote it carries the daunting name, Hieronimus. He is a giant over at McKinsey so you know the article is one of those chapters on The Iliad.

"Many companies are trying to sharpen the way they market themselves to recruits, by applying branding techniques to recruitment." Hello, shouldn't we all know this by now? Do we really need a detailed flow chart to get it that fresh grads and those with great talent are attracted to companies with very powerful brands that translate to very lucrative employment packages? I must say, however, that those circles are very beautiful. I can't ever make one so perfectly...well, circular, on Word or PowerPoint.

"Employer-branding efforts will be counterproductive if the messages aimed at recruits undermine the company's broader marketing strategy." I truly sympathize with you, my dear HR practitioner, if you have not realized by now that your marketing department headed by a biaaatch encompasses even your little fiefdom. Yes, we marketing brats have our hands in every available pie within a 30-minute radius.

"To be effective, employer branding can't just apply conventional brand-building techniques; the initiative must fit in closely with the company's overall brand strategy." Well, of course, it should. What planet are you on? So, now, we know why ClientLogic will not allow any downloads of that kick ass AVP. It does not fit their overall brand strategy. Looking at their corporate website, I cannot unlock the mystery of their brand strat. See, I don't know everything and my clairvoyant skills are not very good.

The truth of the matter is that a brand plays a pivotal role in how we choose our jobs. Well, of course, our personal brand and what we can bring into a corporation is really the basis of getting employment but we're not discussing getting a job here.

Fresh grads always want to apply at multinationals. Every Econ and BA graduate from UP's BA and School of Econ wants to work for Unilever, P&G, SGV & Co, Coke, Smart or Globe. Who cares if they will spend the first few years of their lives there as gofers and glorified exec aides? After all, they carry the impressive title Associate Brand Assistant that all fresh grads will kill for. In English? Assistant, fax this to the next table.

If your corporate brand is worth nothing, you don't get the talent of your dreams. Unless the talent in question has another personal agenda that you, the clueless HR practitioner, does not and will never know.

I once worked for a never heard of brand. The hours were still bad and the stress level didn't ease up. But, at least, I never witnessed my EKG run amok - a truly horrifying scene, by the way. I do not recommend it to anyone. That was my usual scenario at another corporation I worked for that owned a to-die-for brand. Well, I almost nearly died and I realized my blinding executive package did not carry a 30% discount on one of those nice white coffins with the lovely tulle lining. Or, was that organza?

A powerful brand may not always guarantee the best recruits but, at least, it guarantees a wider selection and grammatically-correct English.

Hey, ClientLogic! I think Althea and I deserve a reward. Please give us a copy of that AVP.


P.S. That AVP was never shot on film. Notice how all the photos are stills? It's just all words and graphics done on some nifty software. The script is the star. Kudos go to whoever wrote it. ClientLogic's agency deserves a fat, sinful bonus. Beautiful work, people. Inspiring without being cheesy.

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Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 9:30 PM
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. . .
Funny Anecdotes From Work

"We are a company from the Far East." Far East. How...archaic. Master and Commander of the Universe, is this you?

"So-and-so, party animal and manager, blah blah" I am no copywriting genius but even I know that these 2 adjectives should never ever be in one sentence. No, no and Oh no! Not I, said the pussycat.

"Hey Ces! What can I do to excite you?" Only a moron like me would actually pick up the phone in that manner. As it turns out, it was the VP of P---i calling me. I should kill myself, really.

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Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 8:24 PM
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. . .
To Love A Geek

Lest I give the impression that I despise IT geeks, the truth could not be farther from that.

I have a rather high respect for people who can work with just consonants and numbers. And capitalized, at that. Theirs is a breed that fascinates me for all my whining and bitching.

Seriously, it takes a different kind of stamina to work with computers and cables the whole day. I have this vision of their working environment. Computers have to be kept in freezing temperatures, right? So I imagine them to be like polar bears in hibernation. I'm sure it must be jarring for them to re-join the human race after 5pm. EGAD! The sun! The sun!

Frankly, I love technology. The Internet is a boon to me. I no longer have to leave the sanctuary of my home as often as I used to. Why go through the hell of packing your toothbrush, standing in long airport lines, sleeping in airport benches hostile to any Prada outfit and board a plane serving miserable airline food only to attend a 3-day meeting looking like you just got out of Lebanon when you can have that same meeting 3 steps away from your bedroom and dressed in your pj's? Wow. That was a long sentence any English professor would love to butcher.

All I ask is you give it to me in small doses.


For a marketing consultant like me, the internet is a thing of beauty. I no longer have to go to the University of the Philippines' smelly libraries to do my research. Have you seen that place? Lovely with all those books until you discover that your power suit is now covered in dust that dates back to Jose Rizal's days. And, really, who wants to go through a catalog system when you can just google?

All that wonderful knowledge and information at the click of a mouse.

In my line of work, the thought of no internet access is like dying a painful death in the Sahara. Nothing destroys my day more than no internet connection due to network maintenance or friggin' power fluctuation. The entire village will know I have no internet because my howls of rage could be heard all the way to Mindanao. So loud, it should scare the hell out of communist rebels.

My computer and laptop is maintained by a techie guy whom I very nearly slaughtered. As I write this, I am in the market for a new technician. The first one I had moved to another place so I had to find a new one. This new guy, while he knows his computer crap, is more focused on getting on MiRC and chatting rather than maintaining my computer. Every month, he comes to maintain the damned things and each time he leaves, something goes berserk. I hate him. I fired his sorry ass.

In the Philippines, not all businesses are online and those that are don't even use it properly. For them, the internet is all about getting email and uploading photos on Friendster while the boss isn't looking. How sad when they could widen their customer base, strengthen their brand equities by building an online presence and just keeping in contact with their current customers using the internet.

Angel is herself a geek. It's amazing what she can do on the internet. Sometimes, she even fixes some of my marketing collaterals on Adobe. I can't do most of the stuff that she does and I'm the one who taught her to go online when she was only 6. I force-fed it through her nose. Now, at 14, she's overtaken my knowledge and I am the twit who cannot understand the codes she uses to design websites.

So, yes, I definitely love IT geeks having had my uterus spawn one. And if you know what's good for your business, I strongly suggest you learn to love them as well and pronto.

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Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 5:01 PM
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. . .
I came across the typical resume of your average friendly neighborhood techie guy.

Languages: C/C++, Unix Shells, Sed, Awk, Perl, HTML, JAVA, SQL, TACL, NCL

I'm sorry but I only know English, Tagalog (the Philippines' national language), Ilonggo (a local dialect) conversational German, Italian and Spanish. When the Klingons come, it is heartening to know that someone can talk to them on behalf of the human race.

Networks: NFS, NIA, DNS, TCP/IP, Oracle SQL Net, SNA, Expand.

WELL! I am on Friendster and MySpace.

Another variation to that is: TCP/IP, NIS, DNS, DHCP, SNMP, VLANs, RMON I and II, Tacacs+, 802.11b, VoIP, Data Communication, Network Cabling and Telecommunication Technologies, Routed and Routing Protocols such as OSPF, BGP, RIP I and II, Static, EIGRP, Multicast PIM and DVMRP.

RIP. Rest In Peace?

But, as Bengt over at OpenBC pointed out, we marketing strategists also come up with our own buzzwords. Of course, we do. That we may sound intelligent. But, at least, ours has a healthy ratio of vowels to consonants and does not include symbols or numbers. We don't like numbers all that much and avoid it at all cost.

What, after all, is market share and core brand equity compared to Literacy in Turbo Pascal, Assembly and C-based Programming Languages? I know the Paschal Mystery and, while I know these 2 phrases are not in the same universe, Turbo Pascal in indeed mysterious to me.


C-Based Programming Languages? Soooo...English is probably E-Based, German is G-based and we've got the whole 26 letters in the alphabet to work with.

Hardware: SUN SPARC, NCR (National Capital Region? No.), HP UX, IBM AIX, R/390, Tandem Himalaya (Gawd, I hope it means 2 people coming in from Nepal or else I'm screwed), DEC Alpha Servers (does not refer to food or platters, I assure you), EMC CX700 (SAN Platform), Intelx86 and Itanium platform.

Adviiiillllll! NOW.

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Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 4:17 PM
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. . .
Friday, August 18, 2006
Yehey!
Mike Levin (of my HitTail dilemma) read my post on it and left a comment. He said I can ask him about it and suggested I sign up on their site. Well, of course, I did. Who better to help me understand tails than the man behind it, correct?

Thank you, Mike! If you ask, people, they will come.

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Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 12:59 PM
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. . .
Bad Girl, Bad Girl - Whatcha Gonna Do?

Michael Charton asked me: "What got you into marketing?"

I needed a job.

I wish I had a more romantic answer to that question but I have none. I was a new single mom then with a baby to feed and a hunger to prove to my parents that I could do it without their...ahh...financial blessings. Specifically, the US greenback.

Marketing was not the career of my dreams. Hello, I couldn't even pass my stupid Algebra class and I want a career involving so many numbers? I had studied Broadcast Communications in college filled with the illusion that I shall take the broadcasting world by storm. What I did not account for was that here, in the Pearl of the Orient, a telegenic face was required. Mine was not up to those standards.

I took the first job that was offered to me. It was a marketing job at Jollibee, the Philippines' top fastfood chain that had (and still has) McDonald's Philippines by the balls.

It was my first taste of hell. I promptly fell in love. That probably explains my questionable taste in men as well.

So, why did I fall in love with marketing? Why do you fall in love with a**holes?

I try to explain it as best as I can without sounding like a sap but, somehow, all the words I put together can never capture the feeling. It's better than sex. Although you probably shouldn't trust me on that one because I have a non-existent personal life.

There is nothing more exhilarating than building a brand, watching sales figures climb or conceptualizing a marketing campaign that brought it all on. Nothing is more adrenaline-pumping than competing with the best in the market place and, more importantly, yourself. Most of all, there is nothing more addictive than winning. Marketing is a power job and power is very sexy.

Unfortunately, like a-holes we all fall in love with against our better judgment, your marketing career will never love you back. 90% of the time, it will make you cry. Your heart gets broken on a regular basis. The stress levels will make you a shareholder of all industrial-strength multivitamins available in the market. When the vitamins can no longer do their job, I would strongly suggest investing on a pacemaker or a respirator.

When your campaign flies beautifully and all marketing objectives are met, everyone - except you, the idiot who thought of it - shares the credit. This includes the security personnel and janitor. But, when you fail, you fail alone and in a spectacular fashion. Everyone - even the cockroach - will know of it and they will never let you forget it. Ever.

Therefore, do not fall in love with your marketing career. Baaad idea.

I've gotten past the point where I need to be appreciated for my work in order to validate my worth as a marketing strategist. I know I made the campaign that made this brand what it is today and, for me, that's enough. The real high came during the time I kept unholy hours and drove myself mercilessly to conceptualize a campaign. My Marlboros and bottles of Coke Light kept me company. If I get appreciation now, it's just gravy.

Do I regret it? Nope. Not even those days I neglected Angel.
If I could live my life again, would I still choose the same career? Hell, yes.
Would I still make the same choices even if it meant neglecting Angel? In a heartbeat.

My advice to marketing newbies?

Don't get into this career if you think you don't have the stamina for it. It can either make you strong or break you. There is no gray area. If you live your life in shades of gray, best to become a teacher. You know, those 9-5 jobs that all good girls do.

But, for bad girls? Welcome to the time of your life.

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Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 3:00 AM
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. . .
My friend, Rey, sent me this.

Back then, I probably would think about investing in their company. Because, really, how can you question the computer programming creation of all that facial hair that can only grow happily and lengthily in a mother's garage? In 1978, razors were probably unheard of and a trip to your local hairstylist is like going to Mars. I probably would regret it a lot that I didn't invest in their company.

There is the unspoken question: Would you have married one of them?

God, no.

10,000 years and billions of dollars later, I still will not regret it. Honey, there is only so much that money can buy. I assure you it cannot buy you that glorious feeling of waking up in the morning, stretching, looking over to the other side of the bed and horrors! It's Billy in all his unabashed and unapologetic geek glory.

There is only so much that customized art can do for you. Exciting conversations is probably not one of them. Sweetie, would you like some breakfast? To which he will most likely reply, "Do you want my answer in Java, HMTL, CGI or PHP?" Too many consonants (and capitalized at that) in the morning should be sufficient grounds for divorce.

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Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 2:00 AM
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. . .
Are You In MySpace?

No, you're not because mine is empty. For now.

I'm having cleavage talk with this group of friends (do not ask for details - dangerous!) and
MySpace figured a lot into that conversation.

I opened a MySpace account before at the height of the Brad and Jen split. Someone said Jen had a space on MySpace so, of course, the gossip in me just had to open one in order to access hers. But, her space had already been deleted. Some fool plastered it all over the internet. If you had just learned to gossip discreetly, people, we could've gotten the real story on the split, y'know. Some people just do not know how to gossip well. They should take lessons from me.

That's the truth as far as my opening an account on MySpace and Friendster is concerned. My official press release, though, is more...er...professional sounding.

I am a marketing consultant, ergo, I need to know about MySpace. And Friendster. Do you have Friendster? Oh good! You can connect to me because, right now, my alternative career is (in marketing-speak for we must strive to maintain some sort of professionalism in this blog's posts) to widen my existing Friendster list. You know, like widen market share. Anyway, that is my official story and I'm sticking to it despite threats of torture.

SIDEBAR: Hmmm...I am getting distracted from this post by my friend's hubby, Bruce. He keeps logging in and out of YM. Make up your mind, Bruce. Are you coming or going? Now, that didn't come out right.

Anyway.


I didn't write anything on my MySpace account. I read that pedophiles haunted that place although why I should be worried about pedophiles when, clearly, I am not their target market (oh yes, we sneak in all marketing buzz words as much as we can so no one misses the point - I. Am. A. Marketer.) is beyond me.

Yet, it seems people actually use MySpace for business. Paul (of the ongoing cleavage discussion) does and, if I remember it right from his email, he has 18,000 friends on it. Or were those links? Still, that's 18,000. I can never hope to have 18,000 friends or links in this lifetime unless I bought Match.com and that just screams desperate.

I'm not quite sure how much business do people from here get on Friendster but my dive buddy, Macky, says that he and my other dive friend, Dong, get a lot of students from it. I'm not surprised. Everyone hellbent on being labeled trendy wants to dive. Nothing is cooler than uploading a PADI logo on your Friendster account. Of course, my Friendster has. My illusion, after all, is that I am hip - a statement that sends shivers down Angel's spine. Ma, you are my mother. Mothers are never hip. What does she know? She's 14.

On the bulletin boards, there are always announcements for job opportunities, events and, yes, a marketing seminar from yours truly. Did that Friendster announcement work for me? Of course not. It was my personal email to friends and business associates that did. But, that's another story.

If you check on the Friendster profiles of people from the Philippines, you will notice that they link to a lot of trendy establishments. Apparently, a building can now have a Friendster account. Will wonders never cease? Usually, these are party places, coffee shops - places where the modern and upwardly mobile (notice the marketing terms again) hang out. If that's your target market, then, I guess Friendster is manna as far as brand awareness is concerned.

My favorite coffee shop, Segafredo, has 2 accounts and both are now full. I am not in either one of them. Why? I think it's pathetic when my friends list is made up of corporate logos. People might mistake me for a lighted signage. It's bad enough that people think I had a sex change because of my current photo (the Sheikh or Lawyer - depends which site you're in) and, now, I will be mistaken for a pylon sign as well? Not good.

In fact, the entire Greenbelt strip has a Friendster account. On Saturday nights when I'm stuck working, I go to these lists and it's like being at Club Havana myself - complete with the hookers. I can actually feel my eardrums screaming for mercy as the clubs compete for attention with their blaring music that metamorphoses into one horrifying din that would Psycho to shame.

What's my take on this? Of course, you should take your communication materials and build brand awareness on areas that your target market frequents. So, if your PTM (Primary Target Market for the non-marketer) haunts Friendster and MySpace, it's not a bad idea to have your logo plastered on the profile of a woman with very ample cleavage.

I have a friend whose husband owns a hotel franchise. One day, I accidentally stumbled on the Friendster account of the said hotel. I SMS-ed my friend immediately that they should remove their logo from that Friendster account because it is not doing their brand equity any good to be there. This is a very conservative hotel that caters to equally conservative business people. Having their logo on a Friendster account that has on its friends' list people who are not yet of voting age screaming "Rock On!" on their Friendster profiles will not strengthen their credibility with their target market.

My hotelier client once had a link on their website to a Friendster and Imagestation account. I had them remove the link. Now, why would I allow my client to link his equally conservative business to profiles that announce, "Let's Parteeeeh!"? NO. Bad does not begin to describe it.

Businesses should be aware where their logos go, who uses them and for what purpose. That is your logo. You spent a fortune having it designed. You're spending more in building its equity. Why would you allow just anyone to use it as they please while on a wild testosterone (or, estrogen) trip?

If your business really caters to this target market and you feel it is doing your brand a lot of good being there, then, of course - go forth and multiply, said the Bible. But, exercise caution. Be discerning in who links to you. Isn't there a saying, "Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are?"

In business: "Tell me who links to you and I'll tell you what your brand stands for."

Continue reading this...

Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 12:36 AM
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Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Tails, Tails And More Tails

What is it with techie geeks? Don't these people have anything better to do with their lives other than making marketers' lives miserable? I wonder if they were hugged as children.

Today, I discover two new words:
LongTail and HitTail. Yes, dear, all one word.

Do not ask me what it all means. I just know it involves a graph, something statistics, sales and distribution. I have no problem with the sales and distribution part but this graph thingy could not possibly be a good thing. Nothing involving statistics (ergo, numbers) could be a good thing. But, that's just the woman who failed Algebra 5x talking.

Dean Hua posted a link to a YouTube explanation over at OpenBC. I figured it's YouTube. How difficult is it to understand anything uploaded on YouTube, right? Well, that's the YouTube explanation of Tails over on the left side of this blog and, if you need Advil, I have 4 bottles inside my medicine cabinet.

I tried. I really did. Nothing scares the hell out of a marketing consultant who hears these ominous words, "What does this mean to marketers now?" Naturally, I cannot NOT know what it means.

I truly believe I have superior intelligence. Really. So I'm being an arrogant little schmuck, shoot me. But, there are just things on this planet that my superior intelligence cannot deal with. All things techie being at the top of that list.

I can just imagine what this feels like to other marketers in this fair country of mine.

The Philippines is not exactly known for speed and Filipinos like to move with the agility of a turtle. Hence, the notorious Filipino time. We don't take kindly to new technology and view all things techie with suspicion.

Hmmm...let me correct that.

We like new technology but only if it means uploading the latest Kamikazee hit that would deafen some unsuspecting fool's eardrums. How many times must one listen to Narda before you want to rip that offending stone off Darna's throat herself? New technology is appreciated but only if that translates to uploading clear photos on Friendster or MySpace. You know, photos that scream I'm cool, hip and happenin'. And, best of all, we like new technology that has anything and everything to do with cellphones.

I'm guessing tails of any kind for the Filipino marketer will be like Japanese food or some other kind of exotic food - an acquired taste.

So, what exactly is Longtail and Hittail?

I have no clue. When I can finally understand it, I'll tell 'ya. In the meantime, I will not be a presumptuous little twit and say I can give you an explanation because, clearly, I can't.

Really, these lab rats need to get out and breathe some serious oxygen.


Continue reading this...

Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 10:58 AM
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Wednesday, August 09, 2006
World's Worst Brand Extensions

And I'm back.


Sorry for the lengthy electronic silence but personal matters came up. Not to mention that my internet connection suddenly got possessed and my computer developed a brain of its own.

Have you seen Interbrand's recent report on the
Top 100 brands for 2006? Coke topped the list. Now, why am I not surprised? Iconic jeans Levi's ends it at #100.

The Top 100, though, is not my favorite report. Very predictable and ho-hum. Who needs predictable and ho-hum when Israel and Lebanon are being bombed to smithereens, right? The report that made me laugh was the Worst Brand Extensions.

What, by the way, is a brand extension?

In layman's language, it's taking the strength and power of a brand to another product category. For instance, Brand A is a bath soap that's known for its fragrance. You take the strength of Brand A to another category like cologne. Since the market knows that Brand A is a fragrant bath soap, they will naturally extend that fragrant association to the new product category which is cologne.

Now, do not confuse brand extension with line extension.

Line extension is merely adding to the brand's existing product lines. Example, Brand B is a mayonnaise brand with excellent brand recall. You further strengthen the brand's power by adding Lite Mayonnaise to the line.

Get it? Back to that list of Worst Brand Extensions.

I'm scratching my head at that Harley-Davidson...cake kit. Seriously, they have (had?) a cake decorating kit done by Bakery Crafts. Can you imagine anything more hilarious than a biker clad in black leather and amply covered by the requisite kick-ass tattoos ordering that kit and stashing it somewhere in his Hog? There goes the tough guy image. A biker dude once told me that them bikers work real hard at that image. That cake kit will surely reinforce it. I am sure many will be happy to note there is a feminine side to these hard core bikers.

Hopefully, the marketing guy who thought of that has now been fired.

Then, there is Virgin's Virgin Brides. Richard Branson in drag is probably the reason why most brides these days no longer want to wear white. Maybe, that's why most brides are no longer as pure as the driven snow? Because who in their right minds would want to get married after seeing Sir Richard in Lady Richard mode?

The man is certainly a daredevil in business but methinks he should stay away from tulle and organza. Then again, I'm no business daredevil or fashionista so what do I know?

Hooters had its plane and I'm guessing the passenger list was mostly male. This is definitely one of the best places to score a date. Or, if your lifelong wish is to make it to the Mile High Club, the Hooters jet is the way to go. I wonder what kind of seats they had in the business class. If anything, red eye flights will certainly pump up your...er...energy level.

And speaking of extensions, I am reminded of the fiasco that was Safeguard's Papaya Soap. What the hell was that?!

For several months, they ran a tri-media campaign announcing that new line extension. The brand core value rested on "whitening." HELLO. Isn't the core brand value of Safeguard "protection"? Where did whitening come from? Oh, you're riding the Filipino fixation for all things white. Yes, I forget. We as a nation love our race so much and embrace our ethnicity with much bravado by investing in all sorts of whitening agents. How shortsighted of me.

I realize that Safeguard probably wanted to spiff up their brand image which is currently enjoying uninterrupted slumber to the sounds of Brahm's Lullaby. But, really. Didn't these marketing people know any better? Weren't they supposed to know better?


Such a simple solution to such a simple problem and they had to solve it in such a complicated manner. Hello, add a new fragrance. Gumamela (Hibiscus for you, dear.). Santan. Fruity, maybe? Let's be adventurous. Durian. If that smell does not scare bacteria, I don't know what will.

The Papaya thing died and is now blissfully waiting for its turn to enter the Pearly Gates of bath soap brands. May its soul rest in peace.

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Marketing Confessions of Sunny whispered 1:46 AM
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. . .


Sunny S. Cervantes,
The Marketing Girl

The Marketing Girl

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Read My Confessions

This marketing consultant
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MANY THANKS for the
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considered your friend.


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